Saturday, March 27, 2010

Week Fourteen: He's Back! And, It's About Time.

Last night saw a particularly fine episodes of Qi with Bill Bailey, Jezza Clarkson and Danny Baker all on great form. (Of course, it goes without saying that Stephen and Alan were on fine form, as well. Thta's, kind of, a given.) Tragically, it appears, that we're going to be deprived of the extended Qi: XL edition - at least for a while. The elongated forty five minute Saturday night BBC2 repeats for both this episode and next week's G series finale are both conspicuous by their absence from the schedules. Viewers are, however, getting two thirty minute 'compilation' episodes - the first of which will be shown at 8:30 on Easter Monday, 5 April - by way of compensation.

The Bill, one of British TV's longest-running dramas, is to be dropped by ITV in the autumn after twenty seven years. ITV has taken the decision to cancel the police procedural drama after last year's revamp - and the show' switch to a new time slot - failed to halt a long-term ratings decline. The Bill was moved last year from being aired twice a week at 8pm to a single slot on Thursdays at 9pm. The show's storylines were tweaked to take account of the new post-watershed slot. However, ratings for the show have failed to pick up. In 2002 the show averaged more that seven million viewers, while more recently audiences been around three and a half million. The broadcaster said that the decision to drop the series was made as part of a 'creative rethink' of its drama schedule, which has seen the development of popular short run shows such as Collision and Above Suspicion, and not on cost-cutting grounds. Notice they didn't mention all of their nine o'clock dramas that have failed to find an audience. Married, Single, Other, for instance. ITV says that it intends to use the multimillion-pound saving from axing The Bill to create shorter run drama series for the 9pm slot with projects in the works including a new medical series with writer Peter Bowker and a new series from Collision and Foyle's War author Anthony Horowitz. 'The Bill has been a fixture on our screens for more than twenty five years and has been the home of some of the UK's best serial drama storylines, and a great showcase for terrific scriptwriting and fine acting talent,' said Peter Fincham, the ITV director of television, channels and online. 'But times change, and so do the tastes of our audience. Whilst The Bill will come to an end in 2010, we will continue to invest more in drama programming than any other commercial broadcaster in the UK and viewers can look forward to a wide range of high quality drama on ITV.'

And on that ... not-quite-a-bombshell, let's have a look at the next batch of Top Telly Tips, kicking off with Good Friday.

Friday 2 April
'My name is Alex Drake. And, quite frankly, your guess is as good as mine,' is how Keeley Hawes ends her minxy little introduction as the third and final series of the cult time-travel cop show Ashes to Ashes begins at 9:00 BBC1. It's doubtless a quirky nod to the exhausting Internet speculation about the show and where it's heading as the show comes towards what's promised to be a conclusion that will explain not only it's own many hidden secrets, but also those of its - marginally superior - predecessor, Life on Mars. All the fans, searching for meaning and significance in every place imaginable will, hopefully, have the time of their lives tonight, as this, one of the most self-referential drama on television since Twin Peaks ended returns with a bunch of knowing nods towards its audience. Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes' oft-used Wizard of Oz motif, in particular, is dangled before viewers as a little girl called Dorothy goes missing. Don't worry, dear blog reader, Andrew Lloyd Webber's probably got her, asking if she wanted to see some puppies. Bad Andrew Lloyd Webber. So, no change there then. Meanwhile, Alex (wearing a pair of red shoes) tries to follow the yellowbrick road to find the missing girl. But, frankly, never mind any of that, what we really want to see the magnificent Gene Hunt (the brilliant Philip Glenister) back with a few outrageous sexist comments, roaring across the screen in his Audi Quattro as Ride of the Valkyries shrieks on the soundtrack. At the end of the last series Gene accidentally shot Alex. As we return it appears that she's back home again but he's on the run. As ever, in Ashes To Ashes, however not everything is as it seems.

If you fancy something a wee bit more cerebral (although, possibly not as much fun), Walk on By - 8:00 BBC4 - invites viewers to put their glad rags on, mix a classy cocktail of their choice and prepare to wallow in an evening of gentle nostalgia for an age of elegance, lush orchestration and honeyed vocals, with a set of programmes celebrating The Great American Songbook. Nice. The centrepiece of the evening is ... Sings the Great American Songbook at 9pm, a compilation of performances from the BBC archives, featuring vocalists ranging from Tony Bennett to Florence Welch by way of Captain Sensible's cover of 'Happy Talk.' The night begins with an episode from the riveting series Walk On By: The Story of Popular Song which gives us a lesson on how Russian emigrés helped to create jazz standards, which is followed by Fred and Ginger singing Gershwin. At 10pm Arena hails Frank Sinatra as The Voice of the Century, whilst at 11.35pm Frankie is joined by Judy and Dean to belt out all the hits. Style.

Meanwhile, on Qi - 8:30 BBC1 - as mentioned above, we've got the last episode of the current series (two compilation shows and, hopefully, future repeats of those three or four missing Qi: XL episodes, notwithstanding). In this, Stephen goes off on a tangent as he tackles Geometry, with the angular help of the rhombus-shaped Johnny Vegas, David Mitchell, the parallelogram that is Rob Brydon and Alan Davies.

Saturday 3 April
And so we come, inevitably, to the TV event of the year, so far. The return of Doctor Who - 6:20 BBC1 for a one hour season opener. The Doctor has regenerated into a brand-new Time Lord. You might have noticed from the trailers. He's younger and has weird boney finger and a lush head of hair. Which is still not ginger. But, somewhat inevitably, danger strikes before he can even recover his wits to find out who (or should that be whom), exactly, he is. With the TARDIS looking like Richard Hammond's just pranged into it, and his sonic screwdriver destroyed in that kerfuffle with The Master, the new Doctor (Matt Smith) has just twenty minutes to save the whole world. And with only a young Scottish lass named Amy (the luscious Karen Gillan - she's ginger!) to help him. Tre-bloody-mendous! Look out, over the next thirteen weeks, for the return of various Daleks, Silurians, Cybermen and Weeping Angels, some very scary looking Italian vampires, a sequel to one of the last series' most popular stories and a return of its most intriguing character and episodes written by Men Behaving Badly's Simon Nye and Blackadder's Richard Curtis. And James Corden. Ah well, you can't have everything, I suppose. All presided over by new show runner The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods Before He). Are we excited yet, dear blog reader? Yer Keith Telly Topping is pretty damned excited, he can assure you.

Sunday 4 April
It's a weekend in which several old favourites return. After Gene Hunt and The Doctor, on Sunday, Jonathan Creek returns to BBC1 at 8:00. When a young woman becomes seemingly possessed by the spirit of a Victorian sorceress, illusionist and amateur sleuth Jonathan Creek and his friend the intrepid investigator Joey Ross must fight to prove that she is innocent of murder, as the popular detective drama returns for a one-off special. Stars, of course, Alan Davies - in the role the defined his career - and the terrific Sheridan Smith along with guest star Paul McGann. And it looks great. It's been fifteen months since the last episode. Let's hope the next one comes along a bit sooner.

In Great Movie Mistakes - 8:05 BBC3 - Robert Webb (who was so good on The Bubble with his old oppo David Mitchell and Miranda Hart on Friday) exposes the numerous cinematic blunders and gaffes that the film studios were kind of hoping nobody had noticed and that they'd gotten away with. From things like sweaty cameramen getting caught in shot to wobbling scenery that would've disgraced 1960s Doctor Who and Crossroads, and from props that look like they have been knocked up in the Blue Peter studio to childlike spelling mistakes, this show sees Hollywood nabbed, bang to rights, and sent to the headmaster's office for a good hard trousers down caning. Which, is always fun, of course.

Monday 5 April
Tonight on The Gadget Show - 8:00 Five - Jason and Ortis compete to produce a toy gadget. Ortis takes to the road on a unique transportation device called a Yike Bike, which resembles a small penny-farthing. Meanwhile, Suzi teams up with indie rock band The Twang (no, me neither) to review some iPod docks and Jon heads to a health spa with a pair of Hollyoaks stars. Hey, it's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it!

It's finals week on MasterChef - 9:00 BBC1. Restaurateur John Torode and food writer and ingredients expert Gregg Wallace continue their search for the country's best amateur cook and their current position as the best sarky double act on TV. There are three cooks remaining in the competition (now, bearing in mind that he's writing this on the night when the final eight have just been whittled down to the final six, yer Keith Telly Topping is going to take a wild stab in the dark here and suggest that one of the final three is likely to be ... Dhruv). They will have to battle extreme temperatures as they travel to the Northern Indian city of Jodhpur to cook a traditional Indian breakfast for forty VIP guests, cater for one hundred and twenty children cooking their favourite dishes at the local school and then, just as an encore, cook for royalty. No pressure, then?!

It's the final episode of A Touch of Frost tonight - 9:00 ITV. This is the second in a two-part story which, quite literally, closes the book on this long-running crime drama series. The past is catching up with Frost (David Jason) in more ways than one as a number of copycat crimes convinces Superintendent Mullett that his veteran DI's life may be in danger. There are now, it would seem, two killers to bring to justice. But that will not happen until tragedy strikes.

In Channel 4's Comedy Gala - 9:00 Channel 4 - some of the nation's best-known comedians perform a record-breaking show in front of a live audience at London's O2 Arena, in aid of Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity. These include - in no particular order other than the purely alphabetical - Alan Carr, Bill Bailey, Catherine Tate, David Mitchell, Jonathan Ross, Lee Evans, Michael McIntyre, Noel Fielding, Rob Brydon and Sean Lock who will be among the twenty four comics appearing in what is alleged to be 'the biggest live stand-up show in UK history.' And, we also got James Corden and Ruth Jones. Oh no, it was looking so good up to that point. Dance troupe Stomp will also be performing two routines.

Tuesday 6 April
Egypt's Lost Tomb: Revealed - 8:00 Five - is a documentary telling the story of the spectacular discovery of an ancient Egyptian tomb in the Valley of the Kings in 2005. Tomb KV63 was the first ancient tomb to be discovered in the valley since Howard Carter unearthed Tutankhamen's burial vault in 1922. The site, which is literally next door to Tutankhamen's, revealed a golden casket which archaeologists believe could be that of the legendary pharaoh's child bride. Five usually do these kind of Revealed documentaries rather well and this, hopefully, will follow in that trend.

Cameras follow Great Ormond Street Hospital's doctors as they come face-to-face with the most difficult ethical dilemmas on a daily basis in Great Ormond Street - 9:00 BBC2. This episode focuses on the work of the largest children's cardiac unit in the UK. Two of its surgeons - Martin Elliott and Victor Tsang - perform extremely advanced surgery that isn't carried out anywhere else in the country and the team's success rate for heart transplant is well above the international average.

And, if you fancy a night off from MasterChef, but still want to watch something food-related then there's Heston's Chocolate Factory Feast - 9:00 Channel 4. A series in which self-styled 'culinary scientist' Heston Blumenthal reinvents famous period and mythical feasts. It's a trip back to the 1960s, tonight, as Heston serves a meal inspired by Charlie and The Chocolate Factory including lickable wallpaper, a magic mushroom dish and a waterfall complete with edible rocks. He is joined for the feast by the actress Tamsin Egerton, entertainer Patti Boulaye, singer Mica Paris, TV presenters Tim Lovejoy and Ben Shephard and the I-thought-you-were-dead broadcaster Mike Read. Nice work if you can get it.

Wednesday 7 April
It's Manchester United versus Bayern Munich in the Champions League on ITV for most of the night. So, as usual when there's a big match on, here's three things for viewers to watch if they don't fancy an evening in the company of twenty two grown men kicking a pigs bladder around. Which is what I'll be watching, to be fair.

And so we come to the big final of MasterChef, which has kept yer Keith Telly Topping so madly entertained for the last six weeks. First, the three finalists are back where they started with a mystery box of ingredients. Then they must travel to three of Europe's finest Michelin starred restaurants in France, Italy and Holland to cook a busy lunch service at the highest level, before cooking a final platter for John and Gregg. And, at the end, one of them will be crowned MasterChef Champion 2010. It's been a wild and crazy ride and I, for one, wouldn't have missed it for the world.

The Secret Life of the Airport - 7:00 BBC2 - is a series charting the development of Britain's airports and how they have transformed the country, in the process creating both freedom and fear. This episode navigates from the imperial glamour of Britain's first airport terminal at Croydon to the internationally-agreed hieroglyphics on today's taxiways and runways. Using archive footage and unprecedented access to airports' hidden corners, the series reveals the local rivalry, skulduggery and sheer passion for flight behind our airports. Contributors include Lord Foster.

In The Edible Garden - 8:00 BBC2 - Alys Fowler attempts to avoid shop-bought fruit and vegetables and live off her own, home-grown produce. This is, as it turns out, no easy task because Alys doesn't want to turn her garden into an allotment, so she's growing her fruit and veg next to her flower beds. And, viewers can actually watch her as she sits among her beans and peas. Nah, lissun. They're prolific vegetables but they also look beautiful in the borders. Alys makes delicious broad bean falafels, pea-shoot cocktails and forages for willow to make plant supports.

Thursday 8 April
It's very much the week for returning favourites. The award-winning Outnumbered - 9:30 BBC1 - is, quite honestly, the single best sitcom that British television has produced at least in the last five year, possible far longer. Well, it's back tonight, as Gran takes the Brockman family for a day's sightseeing in London. Karen is unimpressed with modern art, Jake suffers serious trauma when he is unable to text, and one of the family uses a visit to HMS Belfast for a brief re-enactment of World War II. As ever Hugh Dennis and Clarie Skinner are great but the real stars here are the three kids who are just breathtakingly funny.

And, now it's time for a soap round-up. In EastEnders - 7:30 BBC1 - Billie will not be budged on his plans to fight for Britain. Meanwhile, by enlisting Christian's help, Amira unwittingly torments Zainab. Danny plays Ronnie and Roxy off against each other, and Janine and Ryan try in vain to lead a normal life. Meanwhile, over in Coronation Street - 8:30 ITV - Peter is being secretive and Leanne wants to know why. Ryan tries to get back with Sian but will Sophie interfere? And swarthy Lewis is forced to choose between Audrey and Rita.

Finally, Have I Got News for You - 9:00 BBC1 - tonight has guest host Alexander Armstrong, who is always very watchable on this, and guest panellists the divine Victoria Coren and the very funny Richard Herring.

And, so to some Top TV news: FOX has confirmed speculation that it has decided to cancel the high-octane real-time espionage drama 24 in its eighth season. A statement issued by the network announced that the show's cancellation was a joint decision by star and executive producer Kiefer Sutherland, executive producer and show runner Howard Gordon, Twentieth Century Fox Television, Imagine Entertainment and FOX Broadcasting Company.

Paddy Kielty has reportedly poked fun at Sharon Osbourne's parenting skills on new Channel 4 show The Comedy Roast. Kielty, along with Jimmy Carr, The X Factor's Louis Walsh, Gok Wak and Alan Carr, lead the tribute event to Osbourne, which will air next month. Osbourne ended up chasing the Irish comic off the stage, shouting'"I'll fucking kill you!' after he joked about her daughter Aimee choosing not to appear on MTV fly-on-the-wall series The Osbournes. '[Aimee is a] credit to the Filipino nannies who raised her... unlike the rest of the family,' the Irish comic told the audience. 'Aimee's been on TV once. Who could forget her appearance on The Jeremy Kyle Show when she desperately took a DNA test to try to prove you weren't her real mother.' He added: 'She's the only child in Hollywood who's tried to adopt African parents.'

Channel 4 has handed a new two-year contract to its long-running gameshow Countdown. The news was announced today to tie in with celebrations for the programme's five thousandth episode, which aired this week, having been part of Channel 4's line up since the station began in 1982. Countdown's new deal will see hosts Jeff Stelling and Rachel Riley continuing to front the programme, whilst Susie Dent is expected to remain in the Dictionary Corner. Channel 4's head of daytime Helen Warner told the Mirror: 'It is an amazing achievement for Countdown to be celebrating five thousand shows. Jeff, Rachel and Susie have breathed new life into the show and it is the perfect time to announce Channel 4 is committing to another two years. We look forward to celebrating the next five thousand.' Responding to the announcement, Stelling commented: 'The recommission is fantastic news. I love being on the show, it's my dream job.' Meanwhile, Riley added: 'I am thrilled.'

Meanwhile, Rachel Riley has revealed that she does not get recognised when she is out in public. The Oxford graduate, who took over from Carol Vorderman as the show's numbers and letters girl in 2008, admitted that she is able to live a normal life away from work. Speaking on This Morning, Riley explained: 'My Countdown me is very different to the normal me. I don't get recognised on the street or anywhere really. Some of our contestants do, they say they get stopped in the supermarket, but nobody recognises me!'

Dancing On Ice judge Jason Gardiner has blamed the 'precious' attitudes of his fellow judges for the series of arguments which occurred on this year's series. In an interview with the Daily Mail, the outspoken choreographer explained why he has frequently disagreed with the programme's three skating judges Nicky Slater, Robin Cousins and Karen Barber. Gardiner commented: 'Sometimes we gel. At other times, the professionals on the panel have been far too precious. That's when we've clashed. Not that it worried me. Yes, it could get heated during the show but it very rarely continued when we got back to the one dressing room we all share.' The controversial panellist confirmed that he respects co-star Emma Bunton because she 'knows what it is to perform' and he is 'getting to understand' Slater following previous tension. He also hailed Cousins as 'one of the greatest male figure skaters of all time.' Speaking about Barber's approach to her role, he noted: 'She judges from the heart, which is why you get the tears from her. I'm never going to agree that because someone's been working hard all week, it means they should be marked up. You'd hope everyone's been working hard. Better, in my opinion, to judge each contestant on that evening's performance.'

Freeview viewers in Bristol, Somerset, Wiltshire, Dorset and Gloucestershire had to readjust their equipment after the first stage of the digital switchover was activated there this week. The rejig was necessary as BBC2's analogue signal has been turned off in the region. But as a consequence thousands of homes have found themselves receiving Welsh stations alongside English ones, thanks to bordering transmitters. In some homes the equipment will pick up both the signals from the Wenvoe transmitter in Wales and the Mendip transmitter. In several cases the Welsh channels are being placed above English ones on the programme list, which can give the false appearance they are replacing them. Digital UK said that it had received around six thousand calls from the west region yesterday, of which around one in ten were about the overlap issue. The problem was not that Welsh channels shunted out English ones, simply that they had been placed ahead of them on the list, it explained. A spokesman said: 'The box makes the decision about where to put channels, but sometimes the box makes the wrong decision for the viewer concerned. It is generally straightforward once people are told what to do.' A number of viewers have contacted BBC Bristol to complain after apparently losing Points West and getting BBC Wales, the station reported. The spokesman explained: 'People don't always realise that Points West is down in the 800s. It is not that it isn't there, just that it is right down the channel list.'

Simon Cowell and ITV have still not reached an agreement over the budget for this year's X Factor series, according to a report. The music mogul is continuing to hold out for an extra three million pounds which would be spent on improving the contest's live shows, the Sun claims. A source told the newspaper: 'Simon is committed to the show but only if ITV will pay up. He wants it to get over twenty million viewers this year, but has told them to do this they need to put more cash in. They are trying to work out if that's necessary as it is already the biggest TV show.' It is thought that Cowell has already agreed a personal fee of twelve million pounds which would keep him at ITV for two years and has also finalised the budget for Britain's Got Talent. The insider added: 'Got Talent is all systems go. X Factor is the sticking point.'

A group of Coronation Street's male characters are to hatch a secret plot to visit South Africa to watch England play at the World Cup, according to a report. The new storyline begins when Trevor Dean (Steve Jackson) comes up with the idea and invites Steve McDonald (Simon Gregson), Ashley Peacock (Steven Arnold), Peter Barlow (Chris Gascoyne) and Tyrone Dobbs (Alan Halsall) to join him on the trip, the Daily Star claims. It is thought that the group decide not to tell their wives and girlfriends about the plan but resolve to each hand over fifteen hundred pounds to fund the holiday. However, Trevor's landlady Janice Battersby (Vicky Entwistle) is expected to later find a stash of cash hidden under his bed, forcing him to come clean about the plot and beg her to keep quiet. Dismissing the suggestion, Janice apparently replies: 'You expect me to keep this a secret from our Leanne when her recovering alcoholic fiancé is about to wazz a grand-and-a-half up the wall just so he can go and watch the World Cup with a load of other drunken morons?' The schemers' partners are then expected to get wind of the plan and force them to scrap the idea.

Sporting bodies in the UK are reportedly considering a legal challenge against Ofcom's plan to force Sky to cut the wholesale price of its premium sport channels. The media regulator will next week reach a final decision on its pay-TV review, with the expectation that it will order Sky to reduce the price of its premium channels by up to twenty per cent for rival operators. Sky is widely expected to mount a legal challenge against the verdict and the satellite broadcaster could be joined by some of UK sport's largest governing bodies. A group of six organisations - the Football Association, the Premier League, the England and Wales Cricket Board, the Rugby Football Union, the Professional Golfers' Association and the Rugby Football League - claim that the approach will cause 'irreparable damage' to grassroots sporting investment, and are now reviewing options for a legal challenge. According to the Guardian, the sport bodies believe that Ofcom's new model will severely impact competition and drastically reduce the amount broadcasters are prepared to pay for sport rights. The organisations, which signalled their dislike for the plan last October, have now written directly to Ofcom chairman Colette Bowe claiming that the watchdog has failed to properly take into account the impact of its plan. Should the proposal go ahead as expected next week, the organisations could lodge a legal challenge with the Competition Appeals Tribunal, or apply to the European Court of Justice. However, Ofcom is understood to be confident that its course of action is backed up by firm evidence after an exhaustive three-year investigation. In their letter to Bowe, the sporting bodies warned of 'serious consequences for the sports sector' as UK grassroots development will be 'irreparably damaged through loss of funding.' The correspondence further takes umbrage with Virgin Media, Top Up TV and BT for triggering the investigation in 2007, claiming that 'any market failure is a result of their unwillingness to invest and take risks.'

Martin Freeman has claimed that he carries a lot of rage inside him. The actor, who played Tim in The Office, stars as Dutch painter Rembrandt in the upcoming Paul Greenway-directed Nightwatching, which features graphic sex scenes and violence. Freeman told The Times: 'I carry a lot of rage around inside me. People are always like, "Oh, he's like my best mate." Well, no. I am not your fucking best mate. I don't really know how people can be alive for more than six days without rage. If you live in this world, how can you not have it? It's the conversation I have with people I love. They say, "You are allowed to be happy, Martin! So shut the fuck up. And be happy." But how am I supposed to do that?' Of being offered the part of Rembrandt, he added: 'I think part of it was because he thought I looked a bit like Rembrandt. And also because he didn't want this Rembrandt to be too grand. He sees Rembrandt as an outsider, someone who's a bit parochial, a bit rude. I remember reading the script for the first time. Within a few pages I was already naked, having violence done to me and having sex with people, and I thought, "This is interesting."'

Kieron Richardson has admitted that he is scared he will be dropped from Hollyoaks. The soap's producer Paul Marquess, who joined the show in January, began his role by axing three cast members. Earlier this month, he decided to cull eleven more characters. Richardson, whose contract ends in November, told the Sun that he has no idea whether he will be allowed to continue at the show. 'I think everybody's worried about their jobs because it's an amazing place to work,' he said. 'Nobody wants to leave. But if they do leave I'm sure people will work again. My contract isn't due for renewal yet so I don't know what's going on. But word on the street is that I've got a good storyline coming up.' Richardson, who is currently competing in Dancing On Ice, added that he has not met Marquess yet. However, he continued: 'It sounds like his ideas are all for the good of the show and only to make it bigger and better - and hopefully that will be with me in it.'

EastEnders star Patsy Palmer has admitted that she did not want her character Bianca Jackson to reunite with Ricky Butcher. The Walford favourites, who were seen returning to Albert Square in 2008, remarried last month in a storyline which marked the soap's twenty fifth anniversary. In an interview with Bang Showbiz, Palmer confessed that she initially had reservations about whether the pair should become an item again, but is happy viewers are backing the relationship. She commented: 'It's really nice to be back actually and everybody seems to be really pleased. I didn't really want them to get back together, but there you go. They write it. I have no idea why people are so obsessed with Ricky and Bianca, but I am really pleased.' Palmer also revealed that she is eager to share scenes with Jessie Wallace when the actress returns to her role as Kat Moon later this year. She said: 'When I used to watch it I really loved her character. I know Jessie but not that well, I just think it will be really nice to work with her. I hope Kat and Bianca become friends and don't just start fighting straight away.'

Wayne Bridge's ex, Vanessa Perroncel is set to receive just half of the pay-off she wanted after taking 'a kicking' in court, the Sun has claimed. Sources close to 'Team Bridge' (huh?) told the newspaper that Vanessa, had demanded around fifteen thousand pounds per month to raise the couple's three-month-old son Jaydon at a hearing this week - plus a £2.7million mansion. Or 'MANSION' as the Sun had it. But her High Court pleas to District Judge Peter Greene were said to have fallen on deaf ears. A source close to the defender said: 'Vanessa took a right kicking in court - she was exposed for what she was. Her demands were so unreasonable that her lawyers were cut dead by the judge and she'll be getting half the fifteen thousand pounds-a-month she was after. She was also demanding a £2.7million house, but will have to settle for a much lesser property. Wayne's lawyers pointed out the sums were supposed to be related to their son's upbringing, not her desires for a lavish lifestyle. She has been brought back down to earth with a bump.'